I’m ashamed to admit I’ve been irritable, moody, and short fused lately. And I’m definitely taking it out on my husband and children. I cannot wait to leave work each day to see the girls, but every day I’m greeted with tears, tantrums, defiance, and clingy-ness. From 5-8pm, I’m in full-on survival mode. I’m enjoying little-to-none of the portion of my day I spend with my kids and it makes me sad and mad with myself all at the same time.
It’s not them. It’s me. I mean, they’re 3 and 1, what can I expect?
Piper is learning her first words (so far she consistently says “hi” and “all done”) but cries non-stop until I hold her the second she sees me. My back HURTS from those phase. And Shea has transitioned into a fibber, a poor sharer, and unwilling to listen. THE TEARS, OMG. Discipline is exhausting. Yet it’s hard to know at times how much is acceptable and how exactly to deal with poor behavior. I question my decision making every day, all day…and still, I feel like I’m failing miserably.
Everyone forever says that they miss their life with children at these ages and while I can understand the truth behind the statements, the reality is hard to conceptualize. I was reading a book today that talked about motherhood and how she was fully engaged in every daily activity with her child – walks, baths, books, meals, bed. Bless her! I’m having to dig REALLY deep to find the glory in preparing vegetables that are refused, drawing bubbles baths that are dreaded, and the latest line of, “I don’t like you, you’re not my best friend.” Sigh.
A few nights ago I was trying to wrap a few Christmas gifts. I had Shea on my lap playing with the tape and drawing on the wrapping paper despite my instruction not to do so and Piper stealing the scissors to open and close in a dangerous motion. Over and over again. I felt like I was going to crawl out of my skin, had lost my cool about 20 minutes prior, and begged Mark to take them to the basement to play while I simply regrouped and calmed myself down.
Can Santa bring me patience for Christmas? Because that’s the one gift I really need! Is this normal? Be honest! How can I enjoy my family a bit more?